Scottish researchers identify faulty gene

Scottish researchers identify brand new faulty gene in almost functional humans

From the NYGoodTimes: NYGoodTimes Health Page

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Nov. 26, 2009
written by APP reporter Dirk Dinkler

Scottish drunken researchers have made a breakthrough as they identified a gene

Scottish drunken researchers have made a breakthrough as they identified a gene that could help explain why they have this strange delusions of discovery which leads them to pee on church walls and claim to have found what may or may not be the gene that might cause people to be assholes, drug reps, or just plain fruit loops.

The international team of whacked out and inebriated scientists, led by experts at Edenburgh University, discovered the gene ABCEasyAs123 that may help create recreational drugs to restore verbal vulgarity and some missing balls in patients with gene research expertise and major pharmaceutical drug rep. histories.

Lead researcher Doublas Peckerwood, Professor of Drunken Genetics at Edenburgh University found that the gene was faulty more frequently in patients with Science Research backgrounds and with drug company representatives when compared to normal healthy people.

"This is an exciting step forward in our misunderstanding of the underlying causes of some common misconception of these social misfits and known assholes. These risk genes could signpost new directions for treatments such as neutering/castration, massive electric shock, and water boarding," the Drunken Scotsman quoted him as saying.

Dr Benover Prick, part of the Edenburgh team, now of Clydesdale riding Academy and University, also said: "This study is the first to identify multiple points of DNA damage within a single gene that are linked with greedy soul-less bastards such as the aforementioned.

"It strongly suggests that this gene may regulate an important part of the arse thinking tissue that is linked with these devastating disorders spanning decades of research and marketing sales achievements."

He continued: "There are several very interesting things that come from this work. The first is that we have got a gene and not an friggin inkling about what it might do. So let’s pour another drink and make up something that will make news headlines damn it.

"It seems to be irresponsible for transporting vile lies, debaucheries of thought, and sleazy sales tactics – in various types of fat-ass molecules – around and we suppose that if it fails to transport one particular type of totally useless information, it could have a jack-off affect on a particular aspect of ghost writing functions or the way that cells excommunication with one another when meeting unscrupulous grant apprehension and marketing goals.

"The second thing is the fact that we find these mutations in this gene cropping up in people with ingrown toe nails, doctor white lab coats, horned rimmed glasses, knock off Armani Suits , and some cheer-leading experience."

The research, published in the American Journal of Human Drinking Songs, was led by Edenburgh University in collaboration with drunken scientists at Labrador, Queenspan and North Jakarta Universities.

(All research in this article is directly or indirectly funded and skewed toward making phenomenal profits off of bogus science by and for Asstra Benica, Fyser, GSQ, and J&J&J Pharmaceutical Corporations)

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