By the looks of this Photo; Big Pharma is going to some great heights to stop Santa's message
In the hotly contested "Kids" fantasy market place and beyond; there is a mighty court battle brewing after a recent unscientific study was released proclaiming those who were considered "GOOD" or "NICE" had significantly more positive effects and outcome; which in conclusion far exceeded those of their revile fantasy market corporate players at Big Pharmaceutical.
In this new ground breaking study; If you have been determined to be "GOOD" or "NICE" -verses- "BAD" or "NAUGHTY" in the Big Book;
The Diagnostic Statistical Behavioral Manual "DSBM".
This new elf study commissioned and released by some "Big Jolly Fat Guy" has determined all kinds of wonderful things can happen to those deemed "GOOD" and "NICE" people/kids; including fabulous gifts showing up under their tree; plus a claim of amazing new healthy neuron and pathway growth in brain tissue.
Though we have no definitive scientific proof to confirm this theoretical hypothesis at this present juncture; millions upon millions of ardent followers do believe it to be so, and proclaim it to be absolute unchallengeable truth.
This was factually determined through a series of recent mental health questionnaires and broad behavioral surveys randomly conducted by independent evaluators @ the prestigious University of Elf-isum in Antarctica.
They have Filed Suit in United States Federal District Court in Anchorage Alaska, that covers the vast territorial and jurisdictional boundary authority over the North Pole region. They have asked the court to rule as a remedy to the infringement upon their own profitable fantasy; that all prior or aforementioned stated believers of the "Big Jolly Fat Guy" be force medicated with their " Pharma's" expensive products until all neuron growth and happy states subside completely.
As a legal basis for this case and remedy; it was stated and presented in documentation before the Court; that the "Big Jolly Fat Guy" blatantly violated their profitable patents, strangle hold on believers, and illegally subverted their marketing efforts related to this important unscientific and marketing matter.
Backing up their contentions was the damning submission of evidence that the "Big Jolly Fat Guy" had not payed off important researchers/officials, or published the proper ghost written research papers to prominent "Fantasy Professional Journey's"; then further evidence submitted stated the "Big Jolly Fat Guy" with calculated forth-thought and cruel intended actions bypassed the usual corrupt authorities at the FDA for government rubber stamp approval.
It has been Estimated that Big Pharma has already spent over 650 million dollars in legal expenses to date on this matter. Pharma Public Relations spokes persons were quoted as saying;
"we will spend whatever it takes to protect our ingrained and accepted modality; including our profits and market share from all other forces and intruders in this vitally important fantasy belief area".
They were also heard off the record as saying:
"We have a stated unbridled claim to this very lucrative and profitable childhood market, and we'll be damned if some Jolly Fat Guy dressed up in a red suit in going slip down our chimney's monopoly" .
On Wall-street, Pharma stock shares rose an average of 3.6% across the board; based on Breaking News of a soon to be released verdict in this case.
A final ruling from the court is expected by Dec. 24, 2009.
Satire written by Stan